By: Chan
Video from: Pure Talent (YouTube page: https://youtu.be/GNDeQqr0Kis?si=M6fb2hFRA24V-MH2)
***I do now own the right to this music
Creep by RadioHead
“But I'm a creep I'm a weirdo What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here
I don't care if it hurts I wanna have control I want a perfect body I want a perfect soul I want you to notice When I'm not around You're so f**n' special I wish I was special”
The song “Creep” by RadioHead is one of my favorites. I’ve listened to the song many times, but when I heard the song recently it hit me differently. The lyrics above made me think of how we expound so much energy to be accepted and fit into places, situations, identities, and relationships we were not meant to fit into. Vincent Cannady's cover of Creep conveyed all those emotions (watch the video above). For example, during this COVID-19 quarantine period, I have put on some extra pounds (cook at home and lose weight they say … LIES all LIES lol). So, much of my wardrobe is either very snug or no longer fit at all. Defying logic and reason, I refused to accept my weight gain and buy new clothes, and I continued to squeeze into ensembles I could still wear (shout out to Spanx!).
To further my state of denial, fed myself the imaginary story that refraining from buying new clothes would push me to engage in the exercise and diet regimen necessary to shed these extra pounds (more lies lol). Besides, I was excited about the ensembles that still fit, muffin top and all. However, wearing those ensembles were REALLY uncomfortable to the point that I started to feel more insecure about my weight gain. I want you to get this … trying to fit into something that I had a history of wearing, but had outgrown and no longer fit, made me feel insecure. The more I wore those ensembles and struggled with hiding my muffin top and areas I deemed “unflattering,” the more I battled with insecurity. Finally, I grew tired of being uncomfortable trying to fit into things I could no longer wear, and I ventured out to buy some new pieces in a larger size. Let me tell you, BABY, when I put on one of the newly purchased ensembles, and it fit perfectly with no muffin top, I was over the roof with excitement and confidence.
Although my example was about clothing, many of us endure this same experience in life. We struggle and kill ourselves to fit into places, groups, environments, careers, churches, and relationships that we have outgrown. Some of you never really “fit” into your family. Some of you never really “fit” into the crowd. Just like the lyrics in Radio Head’s “Creep,” we are hurting ourselves to have the “perfect” body and soul, all to be noticed and accepted by people we feel are special and more privileged than us. People buy expensive clothes to be like everyone else. Pastors twist the Bible to keep from losing church members. We bite our tongues and hide our true selves to be accepted by those we love and those we don’t even like. As for me, I didn’t care that it hurt that I was wearing clothes too small cutting off my circulation (lol). I was more concerned with trying to present a certain image and impress people who have no heaven or hell to put me in. We are stressing ourselves out trying to control our circumstances and those things outside of our control. What have you outgrown and are still trying to fit into?
Maybe it’s always been this way for you. You’re the kid who got picked last in gym class. You're the one who never got birthday party invites. The daughter or son who was overlooked or unwanted ... black sheep of the family. You think of the time someone misunderstood your intentions and spread a hurtful rumor. The friend that walked away from you for reasons that leave you baffled. The family member who chipped away at your confidence, with remarks that were constant reminders that you simply didn’t matter. You look or behave differently from others. Maybe you’re like me, a perfectionist who beats myself up over the smallest mistakes. I feel the weight of leadership every day, and some days it feels heavier than I can carry. But I’m thankful that God loves us just as we are. God always sees the best in us.
Through it all, God is telling you, me, us that we are fearfully and wonderfully made….a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a peculiar people (1 Peter 2:9). Like the lyrics in Creep, “I’m a weirdo.” I hate to break it to you, but so are you. God said that you are a “peculiar people.” Merriam-Webster defines “weird” as “of strange or extraordinary character: Odd, Fantastic.” The Cambridge Dictionary provides this definition: “strange and different from anything natural or ordinary.” So basically, being weird is a compliment. Being weird means that you are extraordinary and fantastic.
You were not meant to fit into society’s, your family’s, your profession’s, your friend’s, your culture’s, or even your expectations of who you should be. All that matters is that you pursue the purpose that God has placed within you. Spoiler alert: many things God calls us to do are contrary to what is considered “normal” or “acceptable.” So, do not let anyone try to make you feel guilty, ashamed, or crazy for doing what God has called you to do…what you have been purposed to do.
Jesus was clear that we have to live in the world, but we don’t belong to the world in stating: “I’m not asking you to take them out of the world but to keep them safe from the evil one. They do not belong to this world any more than I do” (John 17:15-16). In other words, we were not created to fit into the world’s expectations of who we should be. You were intentionally and beautifully wired the way you are. You are an amazing, beautiful, awesome, brilliant, deserving, worthy, loveable person and don’t let anyone tell you differently.
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